Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize