god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Randomize
