That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
i dont even know how to be here
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
