i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Randomize
