Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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