: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Randomize
