why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
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