If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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