I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
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