Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Randomize
