I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
