I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
