If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
