Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
