update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
