It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
