People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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