Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Randomize
