he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize