my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
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