Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
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