She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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