Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
