with your own penis?
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
