Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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