And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize