They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
