just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
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