if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Randomize
