Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
This baby is an asshole
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
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