i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Go christen that room with your naked body.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
