She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
