When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Randomize
