Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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