Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I love you. Go after that dick
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
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