every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
