My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
