the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
