I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
