hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
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