Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
