Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
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