"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
