Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
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