Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
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