Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
