..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
