I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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