my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize
