you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize