It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Randomize
