Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
