I just made out with a guy for $7.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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