Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
