She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
