he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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