Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize
