Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Randomize
