i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Randomize
