matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
