Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Randomize
