it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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