I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
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