But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
