Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize