I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Randomize
