sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
I need to stop coming to work sober
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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