dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
