Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
