We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Randomize
