She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
