The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
