I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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