matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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