I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
