Your tits are I can't wait for
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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