I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Randomize
