Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
